Today was our first full day at Damon’s parents’ place. They
have been extremely generous in offering up their spare bedroom to us until we
can figure everything out. After my mom picked us up from the airport, we crashed there and then drove back to Washington. It was surreal to be back already.
We got up and went to the vet today for Lucky. We were
originally in for his paw, but he was also favoring his right front leg as
well. She thinks it is just strained from over compensation or some arthritis.
I chose to treat the symptoms, so he now has some dog drugs. We don’t have to
wrap his paw anymore, which is one less thing. His pad is coming back in well,
which is such a gift. He’s on bed rest for the most part, but it is definitely
looking better than I was thinking it would be.
He did get a bigger cone, since the one that we had been
borrowing from Steve and Diana was a little small. Lucky wasn’t thrilled. I
keep threatening that I am going to get at least one picture of him looking
like a martini glass before this is all said and done. He has been catching himself all over things, including the stairs, so it has been really entertaining. I'm a horrible pet parent, since I have been laughing left, right, and center over his escapades with it.
Once we were back from the vet and the storage unit (we
needed clothes and Damon needed some books to study for his industry certs), I
started in on the process of getting life back together. I filled out some
applications on line for places to live. It’s a slow process, since I put a
fair amount of money into food, gear, and transportation for the trail and I am
trying to find an inexpensive place to live. I want to downsize somewhat, since
I have a lot of stuff and I want to force myself to work on having less. I can
work on projects, don’t get me wrong, but I need to not collect so much stuff.
Over the past few months, it has been easier to let go of stuff, but I don’t
know if that is going to stay the case.
I can already feel the depression setting in, caused by so
many of my cognitive distortions. The different voices in my head, constantly
judging, are back with full force and it is much more difficult to quiet them
since coming back. I am having to wrestle with a lot of the feelings of failure
and lack of self-worth in having to scratch. I know that I will get there with
time, but please know, it doesn’t help right now to hear everyone tell me how
much I have accomplished up to this point. Until I can get my own thoughts
under control, it feels more like salt in the wounds, rather than
encouragement.
It’s also hard to process everything in the house. It’s such
a generous gift to have a place to stay while we figure things out. It’s just
hard to process in a space that isn’t my own. Part of me wants to take off for
a few days to the middle of the mountains, but our mountains are pretty snowed
in, as well as I don’t want to leave the care of Lucky to others. I got him
into this predicament and I need to care for him well enough to get him out.
I did get an application in on a place that is currently
available. Here’s to hoping it clears quickly and I can move in. It’s just a
little one bedroom apartment, but that is what I need right now.
That’s where we are all at for the time being. Lots of
emotion, lots of little things that need to get done, but not really a lot of
oomph to get it done and dealt with.
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