Day 3: Zero day at Lake Morena

It felt good to sleep in, even though it wasn't really sleeping in. Rod had breakfast going for those who were headed out on the trail and everyone seemed to migrate to his canopy sooner or later throughout the day. We were right on the trail as people came into camp, so it worked out really well to welcome them in and help them out.

Rod had to go into town, so Damon, Rosemary, and I took over offering the trail magic. It was fun, though bittersweet. I think I made the choice the day before that it was time for me to leave the trail. I probably made it in a very emotional mindset, but it really had been made. At the same time, I was, and still am, heartbroken about having to leave the trail. Seeing everyone coming through, still strong, still going on, was hard. Having to explain why we weren't going on to each new group of people was difficult. Owning up to my mental issues to complete strangers is extremely humiliating, at least to me. Most everyone took it in stride and commended me for even getting this far. That was extremely kind of them. It still hurt, still hurts. I want to be going on the trail, facing each day, taking the time I had planned to be away from all of the different stressors of life. But two days really showed me I wasn't ready. That's extremely hard to own up to and face, especially when those passing you are able to handle it. I know that I started further behind them, psychologically speaking, but it is still so hard.

I was able to at least help out a few of the different people who came through with taping up ankles and teaching them about the RICE acronym, or Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation. Both of the gals I worked on commented that they were feeling markedly better. It felt like I was able to give back and not just freeload off the experience of being on trail.

I'm pretty sure that Damon was able to capture more of this day. I really was grieving the loss of the trail for this year. I cried a lot, taking my time to step away and just be. There were definitely times I just hid out for a while, since I couldn't handle the press of people excited for the trail and continuing on.

Rod was extremely wonderful and offered to give us a ride into San Diego to the airport if we needed when he left for home on Sunday. We both agreed that we would do that, since we needed some way to get back to civilization. Lake Morena isn't much of anything, except a campground, so getting out of there wasn't going to be the easiest thing around.

We did go through our bags and offered those left this evening our food. It was validating to hear them oohing and aahing over the food I had made. Damon did point out that they hadn't tried it yet (His chicken from yesterday didn't rehydrate all the way), but I was still excited.