Resigning

Tonight, I attended my last meeting as a board member of the Snohomish County Volunteer Search and Rescue Board of Trusties. And it was really hard. Made up of about 25ish people from a wide range of backgrounds, we come together to help maintain our organization. None of us got into search and rescue to sit in meetings and debate the best way to invest donations or which insurance option is the most fiscally sound for our organization. But yet we do this.

A number of individuals on the board knew of my crazy adventure, but not all of them. Even now, as I'm writing, I am getting choked up. I am really going to miss these people. I know I am not leaving for forever, which is a great comfort, but at the same time, I don't think I am going to come back the same.

I joke that I got conned into being on the board, told that my spot was just an alternate position. First meeting, I had that fiction blown to smithereens. I sit in the back, armed with my embroidery project of the month to keep me from shooting my mouth off too much or pacing in the back of the room. I make snarky comments that others may or may not hear, depending on how far back they sit. I use Robert's Rules of Order more than some would like, but that's what I bring to the table. Until stepping down, I am pretty sure I was the youngest member on the board.  That's what I brought as the representative of our Explorer unit, where 14-17 year olds can respond like adults. I have grown to really care and value my ability to participate in this manner. I'm going to miss it, of all crazy things. I got hugs from people that have only given me handshakes in the past, as well as many well wishes. I realized that I am going to hike my own hike, even as people are passing on bits of knowledge or thoughts.

And so I start the process of grieving the life that I will leave behind tonight. I know that these people will be here when I come back, Lord willing, but it is going to be different. In a way, I'm grieving the life I am currently living. It's strange, as I am still here, yet I am starting the process of shedding, little by little, who I am in exchange for who I will become.

I handed off my board position to a 15 year old who I have every expectation will flourish and take this on so wonderfully. She chose to take this position and has willingly shown up to two board meetings where she really didn't have to show up. She just did. I am so proud of her. I can't wait to see how she grows over the next five months.

I was last "man" out tonight of Taylor's Landing, our compound for search and rescue. I felt it was fitting. I had a few things to finish up, trying to leave as much work done for those who are taking up the mantle I carry in my unit. I feel secure in what I am leaving for them, that things will hopefully go smoothly. And I am glad that I was last man out tonight because it allowed me to say my goodbyes in the way I could: service. There is a wonderful peace being the only one on the property, with the big spaces and gear, the dispatch radio running in the background. I've come to find a sense of calm in the midst of chaos here, even if it rarely is calm. It's one of my homes to which I'm saying goodbye for now.

14 days until we leave. 16 days til trail.