About a month off trail

This blog post has been rattling around in my head for about a week. Life back home has had its ups and downs. Even now, I know that I am still grieving the loss of the trail for this year. I don't know if I will stop grieving it until I either make it back on trail or decide that this is not the right time for me to do this or that it is a dream that might need to give up.

I'm coming up on two weeks of being in my own space, which is wonderful. I found a great one bedroom that had a dining room that allows for craftiness to ensue, which is great. I'm working my way through the huge storage unit and bringing in things. I'm also getting rid of a lot of things as I sort through. My goal in this season is to pare down things that I don't need, want, or use, and try to really persevere in completing tasks. I've realized that perseverance and strength in the face of hardship is something I have to practice. I am not a fan what so ever of this, but I also know it is good for me and a skill that needs to be developed if I am to do the trail.

I read something from a friend on Facebook about grieving. I know that my grief is of a different type and magnitude from hers, as she lost her mother in the past two years, but it still rings true. She commented about leaning into grief and how, while we are extremely discomforted by doing so, it's how we process and move through grief. For the loss of a loved one, you never really get over it. I do hope that I am able to move on from this loss, either to a place of freedom from needing to do the trail or being able to complete a larger section or complete it.

One of the hardest things for me right now is that the trail was this focus of completing something. I have been talking about it for years, hiking the PCT and then potentially the Triple Crown. I felt like this was the first big thing since graduating college that was going to actually be done. It wasn't going to just be a lot of big talk, but actually finishing something. I have such an issue with finishing things. My storage unit with so many uncompleted quilts are a testament to that. I'm striving to grow and practice finishing, both large and small challenges, but it is hard. It's a big blow to have not been able to finish.

Many people will respond to that previous paragraph saying, "Oh, but you did! You made it on trail!" but that just doesn't work as a balm. I know that I made it further than those who never went, further than those who were injured in the process of training, and further than the person who had to scratch the day of leaving for the trailhead. But knowing those things doesn't soothe my heart.

There is a low level cycle of worries that continue to spin just below the surface. I worry that our trip changed my relationship with Lucky. Right now, I just write off a few changes of character as he is still adjusting to all of the changes that happened over the past month and a half. He has to learn a new normal. I worry that he might have some arthritis in his shoulder that was highlighted when we were at the vet after the trip, which might make it inadvisable for him to hike with me. I worry that I am and will get caught up in my depression and not continue training and maintaining a trail focus. I worry about balancing finances and making ends meet. I worry about if I ever will really get to the trail.

I finally had to put some limits on Facebook of what notifications I received and what showed up on my feed. I want to be supportive of those who are hiking, especially those that I know, but I had to find a balance. I can't have their notifications popping up on my phone during the day, because it's like salt to a wound. Please know, my heart is so much for you and with you, my PCT friends, but right now, I can't really take care of myself and see your pictures, of you succeeding at something that I had to turn away from this year.

I can finally answer people, at least a few at a time, about why I'm not on the trail right now without crying. I made it through the sixth graders I substitute teach for peppering me with questions about why I was here and why I wasn't hiking. I have my own space to grieve how I need to. I have quite the large distraction of getting my apartment set up.

Right now, I'm just tired. I'm excited about my new space, but getting settled is tiring, though I am pushing myself to get settled as a distraction. I'm still here, with hopes of figuring out if this dream will be a reality. But in this moment, I'm tired and sad.

Week 1 off the trail

It's been a full week since we got off the trail, with a bit of wiggle room. It feels like a lot has happened as well as not very much of anything.

We all are doing better, physically speaking. Lucky has been bouncing around like a jumping bean and his paw is healing really well. We go in later this week to get him officially checked off that he is good to go. My one blister is gone, and Damon is back to running. He is even thinking of doing the Tough Mudder this summer. I told him I would love to go, to take pictures. 

Emotionally, it is still extremely hard. My depression is back at levels I haven't had for a while. It's partially due to all of the changes in such a short period of time, not having my own space, and not having access to my stuff, as everything is still in storage. I'm also really frustrated and somewhat disheartened by the process of searching for a new apartment. I found one I loved, but I didn't get my application in fast enough, as he showed it to two of us at the same time. It would have been just about perfect. I have another one that is a back up apartment, as it would be somewhat more than I would like, but it is out there and further out physically than I would like to be. Hopefully it is something that works out. At this point, I am just tired of looking and want something to magically appear. Guess that isn't happening any time soon. I know I need to be patient and hope that something will appear after 20 day notices are due.

I'm taking it one day at a time. That's all I can do.

Day 3 off the trail

Today was our first full day at Damon’s parents’ place. They have been extremely generous in offering up their spare bedroom to us until we can figure everything out. After my mom picked us up from the airport, we crashed there and then drove back to Washington. It was surreal to be back already.

We got up and went to the vet today for Lucky. We were originally in for his paw, but he was also favoring his right front leg as well. She thinks it is just strained from over compensation or some arthritis. I chose to treat the symptoms, so he now has some dog drugs. We don’t have to wrap his paw anymore, which is one less thing. His pad is coming back in well, which is such a gift. He’s on bed rest for the most part, but it is definitely looking better than I was thinking it would be.

He did get a bigger cone, since the one that we had been borrowing from Steve and Diana was a little small. Lucky wasn’t thrilled. I keep threatening that I am going to get at least one picture of him looking like a martini glass before this is all said and done. He has been catching himself all over things, including the stairs, so it has been really entertaining. I'm a horrible pet parent, since I have been laughing left, right, and center over his escapades with it. 

Once we were back from the vet and the storage unit (we needed clothes and Damon needed some books to study for his industry certs), I started in on the process of getting life back together. I filled out some applications on line for places to live. It’s a slow process, since I put a fair amount of money into food, gear, and transportation for the trail and I am trying to find an inexpensive place to live. I want to downsize somewhat, since I have a lot of stuff and I want to force myself to work on having less. I can work on projects, don’t get me wrong, but I need to not collect so much stuff. Over the past few months, it has been easier to let go of stuff, but I don’t know if that is going to stay the case.

I can already feel the depression setting in, caused by so many of my cognitive distortions. The different voices in my head, constantly judging, are back with full force and it is much more difficult to quiet them since coming back. I am having to wrestle with a lot of the feelings of failure and lack of self-worth in having to scratch. I know that I will get there with time, but please know, it doesn’t help right now to hear everyone tell me how much I have accomplished up to this point. Until I can get my own thoughts under control, it feels more like salt in the wounds, rather than encouragement.

It’s also hard to process everything in the house. It’s such a generous gift to have a place to stay while we figure things out. It’s just hard to process in a space that isn’t my own. Part of me wants to take off for a few days to the middle of the mountains, but our mountains are pretty snowed in, as well as I don’t want to leave the care of Lucky to others. I got him into this predicament and I need to care for him well enough to get him out.

I did get an application in on a place that is currently available. Here’s to hoping it clears quickly and I can move in. It’s just a little one bedroom apartment, but that is what I need right now.

That’s where we are all at for the time being. Lots of emotion, lots of little things that need to get done, but not really a lot of oomph to get it done and dealt with.

Day 1 off the trail

I don't know if this really counts as a day off trail, as we did sleep out and we were at Lake Morena for a little while, but really, it was the first day back in civilization. Don't get me wrong, showers and hot food that I didn't have to cook probably does count as civilization, but there were definitely fewer people around at the campground.

Once we were up and moving, I had to start packing. That packing job was one of the worst backpack packing jobs I have ever done. It's okay though, since we were headed home. I didn't have to carry it far and it didn't need to be super balanced or anything. It just had to hold everything.

Rod made "hiker trash pancakes," aka grilled, left over hot dog buns. We covered them with honey and finished them off. Crazy enough, they weren't half bad. Once we were all loaded up in Rod's van, we headed out.

We arrived about 10 am to the San Diego airport. We couldn't check in yet, as Southwest would only take our bags four hours before our flight. We ended up bumming around the airport, finding different corners to hang out in until it was time. Originally, Damon was on a two part flight back to Portland, while Lucky and I were on a direct flight. It ended up that Damon's first flight was delayed enough that he was bummed to my flight. That meant that we started boarding about 8:30 pm. Yep. Lots of time in the airport.

Going through security was definitely a little bit more interesting. Since we had the issues last time, I did let them know that I needed to take all of his stuff off of him to get him through the metal detector. They were fine with that. They also were fine with me sending Lucky through with Damon catching him on the other side of the metal detector. Lucky, though, was not really a fan of sitting still without all of his stuff on. He tried to get away, climbing up onto the shelf under the table right in front of the xray machine. Thankfully, we got through without too much trouble.

We made it on the the flight and Lucky zonked out. Having Damon with me made flying much better with Lucky. It meant I didn't have to pack everything up to go to the bathroom and I didn't have to make Lucky walk all over the place all the time. It made it just that much easier.

Once we landed, we were greeted by my mom. She picked us up in Portland. We chose to fly there so I could pick up my Jeep. And it was cheaper. We got back to her place after picking up some food and crashed out. We did clean up Lucky's foot, which wasn't bleeding, but did smell something foul. We figured it would be figured out when we got to the vet.

Day 3: Zero day at Lake Morena

It felt good to sleep in, even though it wasn't really sleeping in. Rod had breakfast going for those who were headed out on the trail and everyone seemed to migrate to his canopy sooner or later throughout the day. We were right on the trail as people came into camp, so it worked out really well to welcome them in and help them out.

Rod had to go into town, so Damon, Rosemary, and I took over offering the trail magic. It was fun, though bittersweet. I think I made the choice the day before that it was time for me to leave the trail. I probably made it in a very emotional mindset, but it really had been made. At the same time, I was, and still am, heartbroken about having to leave the trail. Seeing everyone coming through, still strong, still going on, was hard. Having to explain why we weren't going on to each new group of people was difficult. Owning up to my mental issues to complete strangers is extremely humiliating, at least to me. Most everyone took it in stride and commended me for even getting this far. That was extremely kind of them. It still hurt, still hurts. I want to be going on the trail, facing each day, taking the time I had planned to be away from all of the different stressors of life. But two days really showed me I wasn't ready. That's extremely hard to own up to and face, especially when those passing you are able to handle it. I know that I started further behind them, psychologically speaking, but it is still so hard.

I was able to at least help out a few of the different people who came through with taping up ankles and teaching them about the RICE acronym, or Rest, Ice, Compression, and Elevation. Both of the gals I worked on commented that they were feeling markedly better. It felt like I was able to give back and not just freeload off the experience of being on trail.

I'm pretty sure that Damon was able to capture more of this day. I really was grieving the loss of the trail for this year. I cried a lot, taking my time to step away and just be. There were definitely times I just hid out for a while, since I couldn't handle the press of people excited for the trail and continuing on.

Rod was extremely wonderful and offered to give us a ride into San Diego to the airport if we needed when he left for home on Sunday. We both agreed that we would do that, since we needed some way to get back to civilization. Lake Morena isn't much of anything, except a campground, so getting out of there wasn't going to be the easiest thing around.

We did go through our bags and offered those left this evening our food. It was validating to hear them oohing and aahing over the food I had made. Damon did point out that they hadn't tried it yet (His chicken from yesterday didn't rehydrate all the way), but I was still excited.

Day 2: mile 15.4 - 20 (Lake Morena)

Going to bed late means you get up late too. I'm not a morning person, so getting up when I wake up and getting moving is not my strong suit. We weren't the last one out of the camp, thankfully, but we were the second to last. We just weren't moving quickly. I take a lot of the blame for that. We also finally took a look at Lucky's paws, which was when we noticed that one of them had worn off part of a pad. Yep. We (and by we, I mean me) should have been checking those sooner. A lot sooner. He had been licking at it and had been limping around. We got it all wrapped up and covered in a bootie so we could get out, because he wasn't going to let us carry him out.

Once we broke camp, I really wasn't doing well. I don't know if it was being tired, PMSing, or just all around, no good, very bad day. We had missed the cool of the day, we had to do a big chunk of arid, sandy, quick-gaining elevation right off the bat, and I just wasn't feeling it. I knew that I had to hike out, but that wasn't something I was looking forward to doing.

Within the first quarter mile, I pushed Damon to take Lucky and head for the campground. I wasn't doing well, but I didn't want all of us to be out in the heat if we could help it. I knew I was going to go slow, stopping a lot, and emoting a lot. We carried walkie talkies for this reason, so we could split up and do our own trails. That worked until Lucky kept splitting the distance between us and laying down. I finally had to keep him with me while Damon went on. He was good to keep me in the loop about shady spots along the trail, though they were few and far between.

We stopped at one really nice rock cave for a while. It was cool and pretty great for crashing, though it was still really early in the day. We stopped there for a while. I went back and forth about if I wanted to keep pushing on to another shady place or not. Looking back, I probably needed to have stayed there for longer or shorter, just not the amount of time I was there. My attitude also shifted back and forth, which didn't help.

By the time I decided to keep going, it was hot enough that we weren't able to make it to the next rock cave Damon had told me about without Lucky getting really lethargic. We crashed under a decently covering tree for a while, both of us napping some and me trying to get Lucky to drink more water. It wasn't so much an issue of him being dehydrated as much as overheated. Black, double coated dog in the almost desert. Yep. I did have a better outlook after a nap and everything, but it seemed, in retrospect, to be pushing Lucky a little bit faster than he wanted to go.

We were finally able to get going a little bit further. During this time, I asked two hikers who were passing by to help me put Lucky's pack on my pack, since that seemed to help him yesterday. They were more than willing to do so, as well as hike with us for a while. I finally was willing to have them take Lucky's pack with them ahead of us to the campsite. They also walked with us to the rock shelter that Damon pointed out over the radio a while back. We crashed out again, this time staying until Lucky was no longer panting or giving any signs of being overheated.

We started out again, finally making it up over the ridge. It was so wonderful to hear Damon's voice come over the radio, as it had stopped working as soon as he had dropped over the ridge. It did help me keep going, though I was hiking Lucky's hike at this point. I let him stop when he wanted to stop and lay down and let him stay down as long as he wanted. That did make us slow going, but it did help me in that, I wasn't slowing us down, it was Lucky. I felt better about the whole situation when he was the one dictating it.

We kept hiking, finally running into Damon, who, after reaching camp and cooling off, had dumped his pack and headed back to see if he could help out with Lucky by taking his pack. Lonestar, one of the other hikers, had been willing to come back with him, though once he found out just how far back we were, he took Lucky's pack back to camp. Damon took my food bag, which lightened my load, as well as took the lead, which meant Lucky was following him, rather than Lucky walking ahead of me. It kept him walking more, which got us into camp more quickly. It was still slow.

We finally made it in to Lake Morena, where Rod, a wonderful trail angel, had cold drinks and hot dogs for all. He also let us stay at his campsite, which meant we could camp for free. Small, but very profound gifts. He has plans to hike the PCT in 2019, so he was trying to build up good trail karma so there would be someone to hand him a cold drink and food when he made it over the ridge.

Damon probably has more notes of who all we ran into while we were there. I remember Rosemary, as she was the one who has been making all of her gear, as well as having to hang out at Lake Morena while her foot healed. I was able to help her out with that, taping it up and helping her rest it. That felt really good.

Reaching camp meant I was better able to take care of Lucky's paw, which wasn't looking any better. We taped it up with gauze and tried to get as much water into him as possible. He was really lethargic, though very appreciative of any pets he could get.

It was super emotional for me to have reached there, since it was somewhat of a pressure release to have made it, as well as the weight of the decision to keep going or not. Obviously, with Lucky's paw, we would have to look into it more and potentially send him  home. It really was the kinder choice for him to send him home. Then the question was who was going back with him? Both of us? Just me? We chose to take a little bit of time to process.

Day 1: mile 0-15.4 (Howzer Creek)

4:15 am comes extremely early in the morning, though there is the benefit of being the first ones to the trailhead. Bob came around to make sure that we were all up. We had 7 of us, plus the dog, headed out to Campo this morning. We all fit, barely, and then headed out. Bob was in full tour guide mode while we were driving in, pointing out our road crossings and other small details that we would need to know to make our lives easier.

We all had to do our pictures, both group and individual pictures, in front of the monument.

                                                                                        

We were really 20 feet away from the border wall. It’s kinda crazy just how far south we are.

Bob was right. He said that the realization of exactly what we just got ourselves into would hit as soon as he drove over the hill and we lost his tail lights. Yep. It did set in around there, but probably a little bit further, once we started walking.

The first four-ish miles went well. Fun signs and, and since it was cooler, I let Lucky walk off leash, since there wasn’t the big danger of snakes yet. It felt good. Hiking the PCT seemed doable, all things considered.

We stopped with Jacqueline at a creek we came across. It was where we met Laundry Mat and Pika, two other hikers. We ran into other hikers as well, though they hadn’t earned their trail names yet.

The views were beautiful, even as the heat started building. For Washingtonians and a double coated black dog, it was hot. About mile 5, we reached an area that had been hit with wild fire a few years before. The underbrush had grown back, but the trees were still recovering. That meant no shade. Additionally, the ground was extremely sandy and abrasive, most notably on Lucky’s paws. We all kept pushing forward through the heat, hoping to get to some shade.

All the stories I have read, for the most part, don’t talk about how miserable the trail can be. I know it is day one and there is much more to come, but it is miserable, especially as you see people passing you with lighter packs who started later in the day. The mental part of the trail, what with my anxiety, is something I am not prepared for. I planned and did a lot to cope ahead for different situations, but not for the overwhelming emotional struggle. It’s exhausting.

We finally found some shade to crash land in for about an hour. Both Lucky and I weren’t doing well. We were overheated. Even though we kept offering Lucky water, he needed to be out of the sun due to his coat and not moving. He and I conked out for a while, napping during some of the hottest parts of the day.

We did get up and going after a while, and we were able to finally make it through the burned-out areas. It was just extremely hot and trying for me. I had a lot of small anxiety attacks throughout the day, as well as one big one about mile 11. Damon did point out that I really have done a lot of growing over the past few months, as he would have expected the breakdown a lot sooner, especially given we were up super early and all. It's a small victory, but a good one. The stress of the trail and all of my emotional baggage really wasn't something I had prepared for though. 

About mile 12, we did meet our first rattle snake. Damon has since made the comment that he fears for Lucky's sense of self preservation, and I have to agree with him. Damon typically is the front runner in our little pack, with Lucky in the middle and me at the rear. We came up on a creek that was running pretty well, which was probably why Lucky was a little distracted. The rattler didn't start up at Damon, but must have sensed Lucky was more of a predator, so he started rattling at Lucky. The dog looked once and kept walking, probably due to the heat and the desire for water. The snake was close enough that, had he had the mind to strike, he could have gotten me on the trail as I passed. He and I had a little bit of a back and forth, before he worked his way away and I slid on by on the trail. First day on the trail and already have seen a rattler.

The water was a wonderful respite. We met up again with Kelsey and Tillie, a gal hiking with her dog. They were really nice to run into. And then started the slog to the campsite. We camped at mile 15.4, Howzer Creek, which was where quite a few people were staying that night. We ended up being the third to last group to roll in to camp. The trip down into the ravine was not fun, but I made it. We were both exhausted and did everything we could get done done as fast as possible. It did mean a lot to me that Megan, Damon's coworker who hiked the trail last year, told me she didn't get as far in her first night. That was really encouraging, though really hoping that it doesn't mean we burn out quickly. Sleeping well tonight. 

Day Zero

It's the day before we actually start hiking. Anyone know what we were thinking? We are crazy. Yep, that's all.

Decided against getting up at 4:30 with the group headed to Campo, just so that I could have one more day of sleep. We were up by 7:30 though. Puttered through breakfast. Found out that one of the hikers that was supposed to start today, Peter, had to scratch due to a back injury that flared up last night. I don't know what I would have done if I had to scratch at this point. Part of me says good job, you are going to make it further than he did, and another part of me says that could be you next. I guess I am just happy to be here and doing one step at a time. Headed in to town to pick up two new members of the house, Fredrick and Nickolas, two German young guys who rode the train in. 

We dropped them off at the house and then went to REI for a last shop for stuff. I got a pack cover since, brilliant me, I couldn't find mine before we left. I swear that I had it, but nope. I also got a flat pack breakfast meal so my back up food was easy to pack. Our dehydrated meals are easier on the pocket book, but they are lumpy. 

Couple of things to know if you ever stay with Bob. One, he drives like he was a cab driver in a past life. He said he wasn't, but good grief. Two, he has stories of everyone and everything. I heard about teaching and other hikers that have come through and everything in between. 

I've spent what feels like afternoon, even though it isn't yet 1 pm when I'm writing this first part, relaxing and working on getting tech all figured out. There is an app that pairs with the beacon, so fiddling with that, as well as downloading maps and just taking in the sights. This is his back porch view.

It's gorgeous. So relaxing, even though there are five people in the house right now, counting the cleaning lady. The Germans are up repacking or something. I think I'm going to wait until this evening to do a pack shake down. I'm way over weight right now, though I think that part of it is that I still have some water weight in my pack. Once I drain that, it will help. 

And of course, you can't forget Millie. I finally got some pictures of her. She is much more photogenic than Lucky is. He can't sit still unless I've strapped ten pounds to him, while Millie is perfectly ready to pose and accept belly scritches. 

One of the things you might have noticed is that a bunch of my blog posts repeated themselves. I was trying to figure out the app on my phone, but it has been temperamental, so I have since changed apps. Here's to hoping that this one works out. 

All of the core group of us (the three Australian girls Jacqueline, Judith, and Laura, Sandy, Damon, and me) walked down to the local grocery store to get food and water bottles. We grabbed some breakfast for tomorrow, as well as some dinner, aka salad! The other four were doing more food shopping for the trail. It was fun to watch the Australians shop. Jacqueline is the odd woman out of the three, as she is hiking alone. She is also older as compared to the other two. The other two, who Damon has dubbed either the Dynamic Duo or the Terrible Twosome, depending on how they do on the trail, are younger and more energetic, aka bouncy. They were fun to watch. Made me feel a little old, but at the same time time, more laid back and better prepared.

We all had a chill afternoon and evening once we got back. Jake, our newest addition was there when we got back from our walk. It was nice to just kick back and relax. We chatted, laughed at the dog trying to get his ball out of the pool, worked on shaking down packs and such. I did pull some stuff out of my pack, just because I don't NEED it. I probably won't regret it, but if I do, most of it is easy to pick up or have shipped to me. Final numbers are 25 lbs base weight and 41 lbs for my total weight, not including my clothes I plan on wearing. I had to take on a little bit of Lucky's stuff as he is right at 15 lbs in his pack. I'm okay with that, because for the most part, it's light stuff. It is what it is.

Two of the girls from Australia spent their time packing for their resupply today. They are doing the first 40 days of trail with food they packed up today. They were seriously industrious today, getting all of their breakfasts packed. Was super familiar.

For dinner, we ordered pizza. It was nice to sit around and have a last meal so to speak. It wasn't the best pizza I had ever had, but it was nice to have something more than salad, which we did eat. After, I walked back down to the store to pick up some cash, since I spent all of it on pizza, with Jake and Jacqueline. They are some interesting folk. I'm excited to hike with Jacqueline. 

Based on the water reports, we have decided that, unless we decided to be even more crazy than we are for hiking the trail and go for a 20 mile day, we are going to camp at the creek 15 miles in. 

Since we have to be up at 4:15 tomorrow, I'm going to bed. It's later than I planned, but such is life. It's been such a fun time so far, but reality is going to crash in tomorrow. There has been a lot of "F*ck, what are we about to do?" going through my head. Just taking it one step at a time.

In Transit

Today has been an adventure, to say the least. This is the first step on our trail. So much swirling around me emotionally, but I am putting some of it off just for the fact that I have to get through airports and handle having Lucky with me without Damon, for the most part.

Damon's mom, Diana, drove us to the airport today after hosting us for evening, running a few errands on the way. Once we said our goodbyes and had our last hugs, we headed in.

Going into traveling today, I knew that my first flight had been delayed. I was getting updates throughout the day. When we got to the ticketing counter, I found out that they had changed me to a direct flight, as the delay was going to make me late for my second leg. I was really fine with that, though it meant that I had to hang out an hour at the gate. It was an okay trade off.

I learned that they no longer provide big plastic bags or wrapping for bags. Yep. That's my fault. I could have added calling and checking on that to my to dos over the past few days. We did buy some stroller covers, which weren't cheap but not exorbitant either. Once we got all the bags ready to go, we headed to security.

Security was an adventure. We got up there and Damon realized he had left his knife in his pocket. Yep. So I had him throw it in my toss away carry on, since I needed to carry my lithium battery items as well as some dog food for the next few days that wasn't already sealed up. Then we start in the process of getting scanned. Damon went through fine, but we got to be special. Lucky and I got to go through the metal detector, rather than the body scans.

Bring on the first challenge: staying. I really didn't know if he was going to behave or not, but he did wonderfully, waiting for me to call him through. But, due to all of the metal on his harness, leash, and collar, he set off the metal detector. The poor TSA guy didn't know what to do with us. He thought Lucky would need a patdown (because the dog is totally harboring a knife and a gun in his harness). No patdown for the dog, though we had to take off all of his stuff (collar included) and go back through, again having him stay while I went through first. And he did wonderfully again. I was so proud of. him. His recall was the best it has ever been, which was what was needed in that moment.

Once we finally had permission to leave the metal detector and we were suited back up, I got to have both of my bags checked over, since they looked suspicious. The guy checking it didn't say anything about the knife, though he was shocked at the dehydrated dog food. I don't understand things sometimes. Both bags had to be checked for drugs, since they seemed sketchy. Don't know why. Such is life.

Once we got everything back together, we headed to our gates. Damon left as his flight was sooner than mine. Both Lucky and I used the facilities, and then we went to find our gate. We were at the very end of the concourse, where there are multiple gates in a small area. We found a corner and camped out, though every time I went to get something out of my carry on, Lucky wanted it to be so I would feed him. We met a couple of different people, and then we took advantage of pre boarding to get the second to the last bulkhead seat. I was probably a little on the assertive side to get on board, but I really wasn't going to get a seat that didn't have space for Lucky.

I ended up sitting next to a lovely older woman who was deaf. It was fun to use my sign, as well as help out. We had a wonderful woman sit between us, which was a gift, because she was fine with him taking up her leg room.

Once we were able to take off, Lucky's ears took some time to adjust. He had flown before, but it is still difficult. After lots of rubbing, he finally settled down. He even got some wheat thins. He was a little fidgety, but we survived. Tried to not trip anyone.

Our flight left late, but we still beat Damon in. That meant we (the dog and I) were tasked with getting the bags from baggage claim. Then we waited. Lucky made a lot of people smile carrying his pack.

Once Damon found us, we headed to be picked up by a total stranger AKA trail angel. Bob has been running one of the houses here in San Diego for I don't know how long. As soon as we got in, we were availed with stories of hikers past and present, the gameplan for how he fits ten hikers into his house at one time, and all that we needed to know for our stay. He has me beat with feeding people. It was impressive. Seven hundred and fifty people in less than 30 minutes, with a vegetarian option and over three hundred pounds of potato salad. Yep. I bow to the master.

We arrived and met Millie, the house dog and queen bee, in addition to the eight other hikers that were staying the night. Peter is from back East, Amir and his hiking partner whose name is not coming to me are from Israel. Those three are headed out tomorrow morning before the butt crack of dawn. Then we have Sandy from Canada, Judith and two other women I can't remember (story of the night) from Australia and there is another person in there, but my mind is fried... We all are heading out Thursday, as well as three more that are getting picked up tomorrow.

I think we are just scratching the surface of "Holy shit, what were we thinking?" at this point. I'm just remembering one step at a time, that's how you hike the PCT.

At Home Trail Angels: Part 3

I mentioned yesterday that you would hear more about Beth. Beth is one of the most generous individuals I have met in a while. And, really, it's been a short while.

I met Beth about two months ago after a Search and Rescue unit meeting. The unit was working to build more camaraderie by having anyone interested meet after meetings at a local pub that was near our meeting location. It has been a high point the last few weeks to spend time just chatting with each other and not having to be in stressful situations. This was where I met Beth.

Beth works for Boeing as a project manager designing all of the interiors of the cabins, minus the seats. It's pretty amazing. She also kayaks and sails, in addition to loving gaming. Yep, she is wonderful. She also has been a gift when it came to food. She offered her dehydrator, though I was mostly through the deyhdrating at that point. She was also game to come over and help with meals. She was able to bust out quite a few meals for me, which was just wonderful. It meant I could give her something and trust that it would come out how I asked. She also let me use her Tyvek tape, in addition to packing boxes that they had in storage. She was one of the reasons we were able to get out of our house at all, much less have food to eat on the trail.

I've enjoyed getting to know her as we hang out and talk while working. She is sweet and funny, which is a great addition. She also was a steadying influence in the midst of me flitting around the apartment answering questions. And she gives wonderful hugs!

We Are Out!

As of 9:30 pm, my/our apartment was packed up. The last three days have been a whirlwind of stuff, packing, processing, emotions, and stress. There were some lovely flashes of entertainment and joy in the midst of everything, but moving and prepping for the trip together was really exhausting emotionally and physically for everyone involved.

I had some wonderful people here to help out and that made all the difference in the world. Damon, of course, was an amazing trooper through all of this. I know that it is hard for him to help me move, since I have a lot of stuff. Seriously, only about a quarter of the storage unit is his stuff. It's frustrating and I am a very scattered individual. He helped out all three days, schlepping stuff for me. There really are no words to communicate how much this means to me.

In addition to Damon, my mom and Diana (Damon's mom) helped pack up the apartment. You don't realize how much stuff you have until you have to put it into boxes and lug it around. They were so wonderful, talking and chatting and just working their way through everything. They complemented each other really well, as my mom is a "throw everything in the box and sort it out later" type of person (my type of packing), and Diana is a "like with like" type of person. These two were at my house for the past four days helping and chatting and just being there with me, which was such a gift. They both absorbed a bunch of stuff into their own households, as well as taking some stuff to store for us.

Then there was Steve. He carried boxes on his weekend for me. He also sharpened out knives for us, and labeled lots of food bags. I would bring him over a pen and a bunch of food and just tell him what needed written on the bags. That in itself was really helpful, just because that was one step that I didn't have to do.

And then there was Beth. You will hear more about our background in a different blog, but she was amazing. This woman came in after working full days on Saturday and Sunday and helped out with food prep. She was willing to work her way through recipes and boxed meals. Her spirit was such a wonderful thing to have in the house, as she was kind, funny, and relaxed. It helped balance out all of the other anxieties that were going on.

Jenn also made an appearance. She took on the kitchen, which was wonderful. She just started in and kept going. She also has helped us out by helping home a bunch of stuff. She took some bookshelves, as well as helped us find a home for our tv stand. She is also taking on sealing the dog food in bags. That is a wonderful gift, since we were only able to finish up the food for the humans. We have enough for a short while, but the long term is going to require more food.

All the Joys of Tyvek

There are tons of resources out there about how ultralight backpackers have used Tyvek. It's actually a super awesome product, and many people have found ways to utilize it. It's light weight, it's cheap, it provides a decent vapor barrier, and it allows vaporized moisture out, but not in. Super important features when you are making your own gear. At the same time, they really don't give a ton of information about the small details that you have to learn by experience. And there are quite a few.

Lucky Dog: Protecting Our Gear

We have put a lot of money into our gear, even with prodeals we both have. We have made it a point to get quality gear that is lightweight and usable. One of the factors that effects the weight of items is the thickness of the materials used. This is especially true in tents and sleeping bags. Here is where the problem arises.

Food Prep Round 2

I know I have said this before, but I don't think anyone who hasn't done food prep for a hike like this can grasp the breath of what you need to do to get all of this food ready, especially if you are choosing to make your own food. It's exhausting and overwhelming and feels like it's never going to end.

I know I have talked about the amount of food prep we have going so far. What I want to talk about now is the difficulties that arise in making your own food for the trail and wonderful lessons learned.

Saying Goodbye

***Side Note: I know this is my second post today. I just wanted to say that I have scheduled info, teacheresque posts and then there is the life is going on posts. There will probably be fewer scheduled posts as we get on the trail, but it is how things are going to be for a while. I am perfectly fine with it. ****

Tonight I had to say goodbye to my DBT group. Wow. This is the hardest goodbye I really am having so far. I didn't realize just how pivotal a group of previous strangers would be to my world. I have only been in this specific group for two months, since there was a schedule change and it meant I had to go to a different time and a different group of people. I am so thankful I made that decision.

Mail Stops

I have had quite a few people who asked about where they could send us packages. I'm all on board for this, but please be aware that some of the places we have chosen to pick up mail from do charge for holding packages. Also, please be cognizant of the fact that we have to carry everything you send us. Food is great, notes are also lovely, but please keep other things to a minimum. We can provide you with our shipping addresses of where our mail is going if you need to send us something that you don't mind us not getting until we get home. We really appreciate all of your care and support!

Food Prep Round 1

Remember all of that math I was doing in my post about our food plans? Yep. There really is no way to prepare yourself for the amount of food that is. Remember, it is highly suggested that we eat 5,000-6,000 calories a day for the amount of exercise we are doing. It is physically impossible to do more than a day or two of carrying and consuming that many calories while hiking that much. That said, I'm trying to prep as many calories as is possible, in the form of meals.

And that leads to lots and lots of food prep!

At Home Trail Angels: Part 2

I decided to divide these up, instead of making a huge long list of all of our pre-trail trail angels. You can read about the first installment here.

At Home Trail Angels

Trail angels are the nickname given to people who, while they aren't thru or section hiking a trail, provide support and assistance for those who are. They come in many different varieties, from someone who picks you up while you are hitching to those who assist in the orchestration of thousands of hikers getting to trail heads. They bring water out to the desert, feed us, sponsor us, let us wash up ourselves and our gear. The list goes on.

I have yet to experience any of the on trail magic that trail angels provide, but I have already experienced it as I have been getting ready for the trail. These trail angels are the ones who are making this trip possible. Without them, I would be so much further behind or not even in the right place to think about everything going on. I am forever grateful for their part in our hike. And now presenting the first round of my pre-trail trail angels!

So What is There to Eat?

When you say, "Oh, I want to hike the PCT," you never really realize how much food you are going to need. I mean, you can sit here and go, "Sure, I will be out for about 150 days," but that really equates to something in the ballpark of 900 meals. I know not all of those meals are going to be made on a camp stove, but still. It's a big number. Then you have to add in the dog food for the trip, which is a pound a day, plus water. Yep, there is a lot of food going on.

The way we have decided to break it down (and please remember, this is all up in the air since we haven't even left yet) is that we will probably do about a third of our food through dehydrated meals I have made, about a third of our food through commercial freeze-dried meals, and about a third of our food through purchasing at stores along the way.

Resigning

Tonight, I attended my last meeting as a board member of the Snohomish County Volunteer Search and Rescue Board of Trusties. And it was really hard. Made up of about 25ish people from a wide range of backgrounds, we come together to help maintain our organization. None of us got into search and rescue to sit in meetings and debate the best way to invest donations or which insurance option is the most fiscally sound for our organization. But yet we do this.

Lucky Dog: Health and Awesome Vets

One of the big things that I am focusing on leading up to this trip is making sure that he is in good health to start. Most of the time I have had him, I have done mobile vet services in the area. I know that these aren't the highest quality care I could have received, but I got what I paid for. They worked well for the situation. Going into this trail, though, I wanted to make sure I was giving Lucky the best care I could.

Mental Illness and the Trail: Part 1 - The Before

When I was talking about Lucky, I mentioned that he was an emotional service animal for me. What this means is that, in addition to providing comfort, he alerts when I am experiencing extreme emotions, most notably depression/anxiety. He will try to distract me from that emotion, as well as annoy the crap out of anyone around in an attempt to get them to "fix" my emotions.

Lucky Dog: Food

In as much as we have to get ourselves put together and have everything prepped for us to leave on the trail, I also have to do the same for Lucky. In some cases, it is even more important that I have everything prepped for him, as he is dependent upon us.

So when are you going to get married?

This is a question I feel like we have answered quite a bit from family and friends over the past who knows how long. I guess it just is something where we don't feel like it must be done now, nor are we both really ready for us to make that commitment.

Probably should back up.

Garage Sale!

Garage sales are a lot of work. I mean, A LOT of work. I don't think we would have been able to do this garage sale without Damon's mom, Diana. She does a lot of garage sale shopping during the season and can find some of the best deals out there. She also has a house, with the requisite garage, to hold a sale. That meant, though, that we had to get all of the stuff up to her house. I did a bunch of purging of my stuff, and we had two different friends offer up stuff as donations to sell. One of those friends had been planning their own garage sale, it just never happened. That means, there was a lot of stuff to get to a town a half an hour away.

Canadian Entry Visa!!

A second excited post from me this week! I got my entry visa today. It was somewhat of a surprise, just a response to my email submission. It has the magic stamp that is the only thing that changed from when I sent it.

And like that, I can get into Canada once I get there.... Now I just have to walk the 2,645 miles to get there. 

Schedule done!

So, I just finished our plan of the trail. I know that is something that a lot of people say don't worry about, it's going to change. I definitely plan on it changing, but for right now, it has set a huge portion of my anxiety aside. I've set up 21 mail drops/family drops along the way, as I am having to ship most of Lucky's food along the way. I'll have up to 10 pounds that we will have to ship at one time for him to eat between mail drops. He will be able to carry some of it, but not all of it. When we are in town, we will get kibble and he can eat his heart out. Anything left will go into the hiker boxes in case there are other dogs coming through or to a local shelter if possible. Thankfully, we will only have to carry two days worth of water at the height of the desert.

This feels really good. If you want to see our plans, go here.

Lucky Dog

One of the key points of our hike is that we are taking Lucky, my six year old mixed breed dog. Many people have their opinions about taking a dog on the trail. When I have searched about long distance hiking with dogs, there is not a lot of information out there.

Planning the PCT

Everything I have read says "planning is really a waste of time, it will change." I hear that, but the anxiety ridden side of me says that I should plan. At least, I will have a basic idea. There is some flexibility, but my major concern is water. There are some days that we will have to carry two complete days of water with us, which isn't light. I'll go more into water in a different post, but needless to say, knowing how much water we need might be the difference in making it to the next campsite or not. This is especially important for when we are in the dry parts of California. The further north we go, the better the water availability becomes, especially as we get into the northern states.

Pre Trail Hair cut

I've never really liked long hair for being active. It's just something that is me. I have had waist length hair before and, while I liked how I could style it, I really didn't do much more with it beyond a braid, messy bun, or clip twist.

Permits!!!

On Wednesday, we both got our permits. It means everything is actually happening. There is this anxiety and excitement that just keeps buzzing around. I have a lot that I have to do and the list keeps growing. It just is getting bigger, better, and crazier!

Behind the Title

I realized that it would probably be a good idea to explain my blog title, "Tails of a Triple Crown Try." Obviously, I am not riding in the horse races that fall under the Triple Crown, which is the one that everyone knows. Hikers have their own Triple Crown. Three epic trails, crossing the country, that test the meddle of any person willing to take them on. These trails are the Pacific Crest Trail (PCT), the Continental Divide Trail (CDT), and the Appalachian Trail (AT).  

Applying for the PCT

Before all of this started, I didn't realize that you have to apply for your permits for the PCT. There isn't any cost associated with it, but it is definitely something that needs to be remembered. You also have to be on your game to get your application in. They only accept 50 applications total for any given day, as the association gives out fifty permits to start per day. They did one release of 35 applications per day in January, and today they released the last 15 applications at 10:30 am.

The anxiety leading up to 10:30 this morning was intense. I had to make sure I wasn't bothering anyone while I was waiting for the system to open. And once it did open, it was all I could do to get my day locked in. While the system allows for two days to be submitted, I was only able to get one. I selected April 27, while Damon, my boyfriend and hiking partner, locked in April 28. We decided that we are just going to start on one of those days and call it good.

We still have to wait for them to process the application, which could be up to three weeks, but that will hopefully be painless. First hoop jumped through, now on to the next in a long line of crazy adventure.